Words We Can’t Take Back

“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten.”

I read this quote recently. The author is unknown, although it is often attributed to Carl Sandburg, the American poet.

Regardless of who said it, the message is a powerful reminder that we should think before we speak, or text, or send that angry email we’re tempted to fire off in the moment.

It’s okay to feel upset or angry after an unfortunate situation. Even when the other person is in the wrong, meeting fire with fire rarely improves anything. More often, it escalates the situation and leaves everyone feeling worse.

I’ve shared Maya Angelou’s quote before: “People will never forget how you made them feel.” That idea has stayed with me, especially during emotionally charged moments.

I’ll be the first to admit that I can have a short temper. I can get angry quickly, sometimes over silly things. I could blame genetics, learned behavior, my heritage, or even my astrological sign. But how or when I learned to respond with anger doesn’t really matter.

What does matter is awareness.

Over time, I’ve learned to recognize my emotions and work intentionally to respond in a way that reflects who I want to be, even when anger or hurt is simmering below the surface.

The Bible offers an interesting contrast on this topic. In the Old Testament, we hear “an eye for an eye.” In the New Testament, we’re encouraged to “turn the other cheek.” The takeaway isn’t contradiction, it’s growth. Responding with restraint, compassion, or love often leads to better outcomes than retaliation.

Last month, I shared a story about a family member who sent an angry text and showed no empathy for the hurt her words caused. I worked hard to send a calm, thoughtful response that focused on how I felt rather than matching her tone. I couldn’t control her reaction. I could only control my own.

We still haven’t spoken since that exchange, but I can feel good knowing I didn’t respond in anger. My thoughts may have gone in an ugly direction, but the words I shared were kind and measured; nothing I would later wish I could take back.

Every day we see examples of the opposite: road rage incidents, cruel social media exchanges, and people hiding behind keyboards, saying things they would never say face-to-face. It’s not okay—and it’s rarely harmless.

Think back to a moment when you sent a text or email you later regretted. Most of us can recall at least one.

Before hitting send, it’s worth asking: Will these words fix anything? Will they invite understanding or simply deepen the divide?

One helpful exercise is to write the message you want to send, then step away. Revisit it the next day, after the emotion has settled. Can you soften the language? Remove the sharp edges? Or discard it entirely and start again from a place of understanding?

I’ve found that relationships repair themselves more quickly when at least one person chooses to de-escalate.

Sometimes forgiveness is the only thing we can control. It may not undo the damage, but it can calm our own energy. Living in a constant state of anger isn’t healthy. It affects our relationships, our well-being, and even our longevity.

It’s not easy to be kind when someone hurts us.

But it’s far better than asking for forgiveness later. 

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