Where you gaze, you go.

“Where you gaze, you go.”

I have been living a version of that mantra, or trying to, for the past 30+ years. The first version of those words came from my husband, Mike, after we first started dating. We met through our mutual love of cycling, both road and mountain, and as a beginner on a mountain bike, he became my coach.

I can clearly remember one particular trail. We were at the top of a hill, and the narrow path wound through a forest of trees with trunks of various sizes. I vividly remember those trees because I was sure I would hit every one of them on the way down.

My then-boyfriend gave me words I still live by today: “Look where you want to go.”

He explained that if I looked at the tree, I would hit the tree. If I looked at the steep drop-off, my bike would head in that direction. He offered to go first and promised to wait at the bottom and stop me if I came down too fast.

He parked his bike at the bottom and shouted up to me to focus on him and on where my tires needed to be.

I descended as slowly as possible, repeating the mantra over and over again. Look where you want to go.

When I reached the bottom, my face must have shown my surprise that his coaching actually worked.

Over the next several decades, I continued to use that mantra as my mountain biking skills improved. Mike found himself at the bottom of many hills, encouraging me and cheering me on as I focused on where my tires needed to be and conquered another challenging trail.

What I love about that advice is that it applies to almost every area of life. It’s part of the framework I teach, and it’s all about focus.

When I’m descending a black diamond mountain bike run in Whistler, British Columbia,

I’m not thinking about what to make for dinner, how many networking meetings I have the following week, or the message that just buzzed on my watch. My focus is on the trail in front of me.

It has to be.

Lose focus for even a moment, and my tires can end up in exactly the place I was trying to avoid.

When I heard the words, “Where you gaze, you go,” during a recent Peloton ride, I was immediately back on my old mountain bike, gazing down at my husband and trusting his advice.

And I realized I liked this version even better. It even has one of my favorite literary devices: alliteration.

“Look where you want to go” is practical and pragmatic. “Where you gaze, you go” feels more intentional.

We look at things all day long. A road sign. A text message. Our reflection in the mirror. But to gaze at something suggests lingering there. Giving it our attention. And attention matters.

Think about something you want for your future. Maybe it’s writing a book, taking your business to the next level, giving a speech, buying your dream home, taking a big vacation, or retiring comfortably.

Can you see it? More importantly, is that where your gaze is? Or are you staring at the tree?

It’s easy to become so focused on what could go wrong that we lose sight of where we actually want to go. We gaze at the obstacle. The risk. The thing we’re afraid of. The person who said no. The goal we haven’t reached yet.

And then we wonder why we feel stuck.

Gazing at the destination doesn’t eliminate the trees. It doesn’t make the hill less steep, and it certainly doesn’t mean you can coast to the bottom without doing any work.

You still have to steer.

You need a plan. You need to make adjustments. You may need to slow down, change your approach, or occasionally put your foot down and regroup.

But first, you have to know where you want to go.

Thirty years ago, I was a nervous beginner sitting on a mountain bike at the top of a hill, staring at all the places she didn’t want to end up. Someone at the bottom reminded me to change my gaze.

Maybe that’s a reminder we all need once in a while.

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Where are you gazing today? Is it where you want to go?

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