What does your mind choose to notice?

I should have been celebrating.

On Saturday, I delivered a keynote speech that received wonderful feedback. On Monday, I submitted the first draft of my book after two years of writing, rewriting, and wondering if I would ever get there.

I should have been toasting with a glass of champagne.

Instead, I replayed everything I thought I'd done wrong.

Saturday’s keynote was one I’ve given many times. I customized it for the group, even hired a professional videographer to produce a speaker reel. After watching some incredible professional speakers, I wanted my presentation to feel just as smooth, polished, and natural.

It was good, maybe even excellent. The feedback has been incredible. People stopped me to tell me how much the message resonated with them. One guest took everything to heart and shared how inspired he was with the hostess. Another guest wanted to hear the longer version.

I could only remember that one second when I froze and forgot the next word and when

I mispronounced someone’s name. My husband noticed but was in awe with how quickly

I recovered. So quickly, that no one else noticed. The audience remembered the message. I remembered one forgotten word.

The first draft of my book was due on Monday. I started the year with a goal to write a book. I’ve been writing content for the book for two years, attended a writers retreat in May and have spent many spare hours working on my SFD (Shitty First Draft – that’s a technical term). I know it still needs a lot of work, but I was disappointed in my word count and how much I struggled to get it all to flow and come together. But I submitted my vulnerable, imperfect draft on Monday as part of a publishing contest. Once I clicked “submit” I had to release control and wait for the results.

I have never considered myself a perfectionist, but I can be hard on myself after I accomplish something. That’s a form of perfectionism that I still need to work on. I also know nothing is perfect, and people relate more to authenticity than perfection. They like knowing their mentors and role models make mistakes too.

I talk about releasing control over what we can’t control. It was a big part of my keynote. You can’t control what others say, do, think, or how they may judge you, so release control over that. And while I was saying the words, I was struggling to release control over my own fears, the judgment I imagined, and the imperfections only I could see.

Releasing control takes practice, lots of practice.

We can't control how others judge us. I may not be able to control that I'm a woman over 50, but I can control my preparation, my research, and how I show up for every event and every meeting.

The question I come back to is, “What does my mind choose to notice?” Or more importantly, how can I get my mind to notice what is meaningful for my personal growth and the benefit of my readers and clients?

I continue to read and hear more about happiness and awe and the science behind using our senses to notice the world around us. I’ve heard a few versions of this quote, “The amount of good in the world depends on your ability to see it.”

I immediately thought back to Saturday. My audience noticed encouragement. My husband noticed resilience. I noticed one forgotten word. We all watched the same speech.

The next time you find yourself feeling anxious about something you can’t control, consciously move your mind to something it can control. Even if that is unrelated to a task or a deadline. Take one minute to notice something beautiful, meaningful, or simply ordinary that you may have overlooked. You might be surprised how that brings you clarity to solve the earlier problem or release it fully.

I sometimes try an experiment while driving. Pick a color and spend the next few minutes noticing only that color. You will be amazed at how often you see that color. Mel Robbins looks for hearts when she walks. She sees them in leaves, rocks, even oil stains.

When she spots one she is reminded of the love she shares with her family and friends.

We had giant lilac bushes around my childhood home. The smell is still one of my favorites. Whenever I catch that scent, I’m transported back to those memories.

We can’t always choose what happens to us, but we can choose what we train our minds to notice.

This week I’m trying to focus on everything that went right and celebrate the joy from those moments.

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