We Don't Need Better Networking. We Need Better Conversations.

I attend a lot of networking events. I am an extrovert and have no trouble walking up to a group of people and joining a conversation that started before I introduced myself. I once walked into the wrong room, ordered a glass of wine from the open bar, and had several lovely conversations before I realized I had crashed a party I wasn't invited to. No one seemed to mind.

What I notice in many of the rooms I enter is that the conversations stay at a surface level. That may be necessary when you're trying to meet as many people as possible, but it also means giving up the deeper connections that meaningful conversations create.

Even in smaller groups, people are often glancing at their phones or watches, worried they'll miss a message or call from someone they perceive to be more important than the person standing in front of them.

When I met Tiny Irwin for the second time, it was in a room filled with more than 100 people who were all there to make new connections. I had casually mentioned that I was looking for stories about mindset and resilience for my upcoming (now launched) podcast. That led to an introduction to Tiny, who remembered me from a brief conversation a few months earlier.

Tiny wanted to share his story, but he also wanted to make sure we wouldn't be interrupted by the noise and activity in the hotel lobby. He suggested we find a quiet corner away from the crowd. We settled into a comfortable spot near the water station. People came by to refill their glasses, noticed we were deep in conversation, and quietly moved on.

That conversation was intentional.

I learned about Tiny's childhood and how his mother worked hard to ensure her children never felt poor, even when money was scarce. I learned how his entrepreneurial journey began at age 11 when he sold his free lunch tickets, used the money to buy candy, and resold it for a profit. He also managed four paper routes to earn money for clothes and the things he wanted. Along the way, we discovered we had a lot in common.

What felt different about that conversation was that no one else mattered. Neither of us looked at our phones or paid attention to the people walking past us. We both felt heard.

We laugh at the scene in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswold walks into his boss's office to deliver a Christmas gift, only to have his boss ask his secretary to connect him with "someone... anyone" so he doesn't have to continue the conversation. It's funny because it's exaggerated, but how often have you felt that someone would rather talk to anyone but you? Or started a conversation only to have the other person become distracted the moment someone else walked into the room or their watch buzzed with a notification?

Listening is about far more than hearing words.

It means being fully present. Maintain eye contact. Put your phone away. If you're seated next to someone, turn toward them. No one wants to talk to your shoulder.

Most importantly, listen with your mind. Resist the urge to formulate your response while the other person is still speaking. Let there be a brief moment of silence before responding. Think about what you just learned. Then respond thoughtfully or ask another question that invites the conversation to go even deeper.

After speaking with Tiny, I knew I wanted him as a guest on my podcast, DunnWise Perspectives. We recorded our conversation in June, and the episode aired on July 17. We talked more about our childhoods and discovered even more similarities. Our clothes came from Kmart or were sewn by our mothers. We both sold chocolate for fundraisers. Today, we both dedicate our work to helping others reach their potential.

My favorite part of the podcast came when Tiny talked about the two chairs in his office.

When he took over leadership of a struggling beer distributor, he established an open-door policy. If his office door was open, any employee, regardless of title or position, was welcome to sit in one of two comfortable chairs. Tiny would sit in the other chair, and they would have an intentional conversation.

That didn't mean every request was granted.

It did mean every voice was heard.

Metaphorically, Tiny took those two chairs everywhere he went. Whether he was meeting with suppliers, distributors, drivers, or frontline employees, he created space for people to feel seen, heard, and valued.

I love that image.

We don't necessarily need two leather chairs in our offices. But we should all create the kind of space they represent.

Continue to network. Meet new people. Exchange business cards.

But don't stop there.

Take the time to have meaningful conversations that lead to genuine relationships.

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My podcast, DunnWise Perspectives: Stories of Resilience and Shifting Mindsets, is now live. I'd love for you to take a listen.

If you're looking for clarity in your business or career, you can reach me at doris@dunnwise.com, via DM, or at dunnwise.com.