Try Again. Try Again. Try Again.

My mother used to quote the old proverb, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” She believed in the power of persistence and believing in yourself many years before I’d ever heard words like manifestation or actualization.

A similar phrase came up during my latest podcast conversation with Laura Durfee.

At age nine, Laura was at a friend’s sleepover when a bad headache quickly became something catastrophic. By the time she arrived at the hospital, she was considered dead on arrival.

Doctors discovered a catastrophic AVM bleed in her brain. Her prognosis was so grim that her parents discussed donating her organs. Laura underwent four brain surgeries and spent a week in a medically induced coma.

When doctors finally brought her out of the coma, a room full of family members and medical professionals stood over her. Laura looked at everyone and said, “You’re making me feel claustrophobic.”

She had no idea why everyone burst into tears.

Laura had survived. But surviving was only the beginning.

She had to relearn how to walk, feed herself, get dressed, tie her shoes, brush her hair, and do many of the ordinary things any nine-year-old would take for granted.

Laura believes many of her successes throughout life are due, in part, to the tenacity her parents, doctors and therapists instilled in her during that recovery.

She remembers becoming frustrated while trying to run. She knew how to run. She had done it since she was four or five years old. But now her brain and body weren't communicating the way they once had.

Her family allowed her to be frustrated. For a little while. Then came the encouragement.

Try again. Try again. Try again.

I love that distinction.

They didn't tell her it wasn't hard. They didn't tell her not to be frustrated. They didn't pretend everything was fine. They let her feel the frustration without allowing the frustration to decide what happened next.

How often do we try something once, maybe twice, and when it doesn't work, decide we can't do it? Maybe the problem isn't that we can't. Maybe we need to learn something, adjust and try again.

That's one of the reasons my 3Rs framework begins with Reflect. Look back. What worked? What didn't? What can you learn from both? Then Realign. Does what you're trying to accomplish still align with your values and who you are? If it doesn't, continuing to push harder probably isn't the answer. Finally, Refocus. Take what you've learned and move forward.

Try again.

When I reflect on my own life, many of my greatest achievements came after repeated attempts to hit the mark. I've practiced presentations again and again before delivering them to Toastmasters or clients. I've attempted scary downhill trails on my mountain bike until I trusted myself enough to ride them. And anyone who plays pickleball knows how many imperfect shots come before that one lands exactly where you intended.

Trying again doesn't necessarily mean doing the exact same thing again. Sometimes it means changing your approach.

That's another lesson from Laura's story.

After a successful 16-year career in recruiting, Laura realized that many of the skills she used to find the right candidates for companies could also help people find the right partners. Today, she uses that experience as the founder of The Relationship Recruiter.

She helps people try again at dating, but perhaps with a different approach.

I know plenty of single people who are frustrated with dating. According to almost every single person I know, it's hard. Laura hears the same thing from her friends and clients. Her answer isn't to pretend it isn't frustrating. It's essentially the same lesson she learned at nine years old. Acknowledge the frustration. Figure out what isn't working. Then try again.

I recently heard another phrase that I can't get out of my head: “You are obnoxiously more capable than you think you are.”

Those words belong on T-shirts, bumper stickers and maybe the bathroom mirror.

Because “I can't” is sometimes true. There are things outside our control and limits we need to recognize. But sometimes “I can't” really means I haven't figured it out yet. This is harder than I expected. I'm frustrated.

I'm afraid I'll fail again.

Maybe that's when we need to give ourselves a little grace, learn something from the last attempt and remember that we may be obnoxiously more capable than we think we are.

Then try again.

---

Enjoyed this week's blog? I share reflections on mindset, leadership, and clarity each week in my newsletter. 👉 Subscribe here to have it delivered straight to your inbox.

My podcast, DunnWise Perspectives: Stories of Resilience and Shifting Mindsets, is now live. I'd love for you to take a listen.

If you're looking for clarity in your business or career, you can reach me at doris@dunnwise.com, via DM, or at dunnwise.com.