Caregiving: What I learned about boundaries, burnout, and being human

I’ve always had a good relationship with my mother-in-law, so when she needed a temporary place to stay due to major home renovations, my husband and I didn’t hesitate. We welcomed her into our home, expecting she’d be with us for about three months. It felt manageable. We thought we’d enjoy the time together, share some meals, have a few good conversations.

Fifteen months later, I was emotionally tapped out.

I wasn’t in a traditional corporate role at the time, but caregiving still reshaped nearly every part of our lives—our routines, our privacy, our patience.

This isn’t a story about regret, but it is a story about reality.

Recently on the Leaderish podcast, my co-host Regina and I invited organizational development consultant Lauren Kiproff-Downer back to talk about a topic that’s often invisible in the workplace: caregiving. It was a conversation that helped me reflect on my own experience—and gave me words for things I hadn’t been able to articulate until now.

Caregiving Can Creep In

I didn’t see myself as a caregiver at first. I wasn’t managing medications or very many doctor’s visits. She was independent, and the arrangement felt temporary. But slowly, things shifted. She needed more help than expected. Her routines clashed with ours. My husband gave up nearly a year of his own work to manage her home renovation, while still holding space for her in ours.

What surprised me most was how impatient I became. I found myself getting irritated by things that felt small—but added up over time. And when I wasn’t irritated, I felt guilty about being irritated.

Lauren reminded us on the podcast that caregiving often brings emotional labor we don’t expect. And when we’re not prepared—or supported—it shows up in ways we don’t always like.

What I Learned About Myself (and Us)

What I didn’t know at the beginning is that caregiving doesn’t come with a clear definition or start date. You don’t always know when the guest room becomes something more. And you don’t always see how your bandwidth is being stretched.

What I’m proud of, though, is how my husband and I navigated it together. We stayed honest with each other and provided support when one of us was struggling. And we tried to preserve our sense of humor and sanity—even when things got hard.

That solidarity made a difference. As Lauren said during our conversation, support doesn’t always come from a company policy. Sometimes it comes from the person beside you, quietly saying, “I see you. You’re not alone.”

Hindsight is 20:20

Looking back, I know I would have done a few things differently:

• I would have revisited expectations as circumstances changed.

• I would have set better boundaries around space and shared routines.

• And I would have given myself more permission to feel what I was feeling—without guilt.

This is something we talked about on the podcast too. Caregiving isn’t just a home issue. It shows up in the workplace—quietly, persistently, and often invisibly. And employers, leaders, and coworkers all have an opportunity to support the people around them who carry this extra load.

Here are a few of Lauren’s insights that stuck with me:

• Flexibility matters. This doesn’t always mean remote work—it could be as simple as adjusted hours, job sharing, or temporary shifts in responsibility.

• Psychological safety is essential. People need to know they can ask for help without fearing judgment or retaliation.

• Recognition goes a long way. When someone is pouring themselves out behind the scenes, a sincere thank you can mean everything.

You can listen to the full episode [insert podcast link] for more insight. But if you remember nothing else, remember this: caregiving is everywhere—and it’s often hidden. A little empathy can make a big difference.

The Conversation That Didn't Happen

One of the things I still think about is a missed opportunity. My mother-in-law used to be a writer. Her eyesight has deteriorated so much that she can no longer work on her stories. At one point, I offered to help her capture them—to be her eyes, her scribe. She seemed interested, but we never made the time. It’s something I regret—not because I didn’t care, but because in the fatigue and the tension of daily life, that creative connection slipped away.

That moment reminds me that caregiving isn’t just about what we do—it’s about who we choose to be in those moments.

If You’re in It Right Now…

If you’re a caregiver, especially one balancing work and caregiving at the same time, I hope you know that your mixed feelings are valid. You’re not a bad person if you’re tired, frustrated, or grieving a sense of normalcy you didn’t realize you’d lost. And you’re not alone if you love someone deeply and still wish the circumstances were different.

If you’re a leader, a coworker, or a friend of someone in that space, don’t assume they’re okay just because they’re showing up. Ask how they’re really doing. Offer flexibility support if you can. And remember that corporate structure doesn’t always require a new policy—it sometimes starts with a single act of compassion.

I never planned to be a caregiver. But I was. And like so many others in that role, I learned as I went. Not perfectly. But honestly.

And sometimes, that’s enough.

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If you're interested in learning more about my coaching and training services or how I can help you turn your visions into business realities, email me at doris@dunnwise.com, reach out via DM or visit my website at www.dunnwise.com. And be sure to listen to the Leaderish Podcast for great insights on Leadership.