You’re Not Alone

When you face a challenge or setback, whether short-term or life-changing, do you ever feel like you’re completely alone? Like no one else could possibly be facing the same issue?

I’ve been guilty of that… even in traffic. I can be in bumper-to-bumper traffic with thousands of other cars and still feel like I’m the only one dealing with the gridlock.

When I went through infertility treatments, my husband was by my side, supporting me in every way possible, but I still felt completely alone. The loneliness grew deeper as others found success in their treatments. I celebrated with them, but their joy intensified my sense of solitude.

My most recent podcast guest experienced a similar kind of loneliness after the birth of her third child. The father disappeared, and Quintina Waller found herself in deep postpartum depression. She was a few pills away from ending it all, believing her mother and older daughter would raise her newborn.

Just before that moment, she had been denied assistance for something as basic as milk for her son. She made too much money to qualify for help but had nothing left in her bank account to provide for him.

The answer seemed obvious… until a different voice broke through.

A voice that reminded her she wasn’t alone and that she had a purpose beyond her pain.

The result? A nonprofit that has now served nearly 4,000 single mothers in Middle Tennessee facing the very challenges she once faced.

If we know we’re not alone in our struggles, why does it so often feel that way? And why do we wait so long to seek the community, support, or guidance we need?

The first step is recognizing the struggle or the grief. It’s okay to pull away for a short time. That time will look different for each of us.

My MO (method of operation) is to ignore the pain and move on to something, anything, that keeps me from sitting in it too long. That may look like I don’t care, but for me, it’s a way to keep moving forward.

For others, the need is to sit with it, to process. There’s no right answer. But there is a point where staying in your own mind too long becomes dangerous.

Quintina nearly lost her life before she listened to the voice that reminded her she was needed in this world.

At some point, we all need to reach beyond ourselves.

One way to begin is to imagine the future.

Pick a point in time, six months, one year, five years from now, and place yourself there. Separate from how you feel in this exact moment. The loss, the struggle, the uncertainty may still exist… but your life will have moved forward.

Now imagine that future version of yourself feeling something different: peace, gratitude, even joy.

At first, you may only be able to hold that feeling for a moment. Keep going. Keep imagining.

Eventually, it becomes more real.

If you’ve lost a loved one, you’ll find ways to honor them. If you’ve lost a job, you’ll find a better path forward. If you’ve lost a relationship, you may find something deeper or realize the love around you was already enough.

I’ve experienced each of these losses.

At the time, the grief, anger, and bitterness felt overwhelming. But today, I can look back with gratitude for what came next.

I still miss my mom. This year marks 45 years since she passed. The tears are different now. And I’ve found ways to honor her and to appreciate the life that unfolded because of, and beyond, that loss.

What I’m most grateful for during those hardest seasons was the community that surrounded me, supported me, and helped me move forward.

I could not have done it alone.

Lean on others.

You are not the only one.

Take help when it’s offered. And when you see a need—don’t ignore it.

You might just be the one meant to do something about it.

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My new podcast, DunnWise Perspectives: Stories of Resilience and Shifting Mindsets, is now live. I’d love for you to take a listen.

If you’re looking for clarity in your business or career, you can reach me at doris@dunnwise.com, via DM, or at dunnwise.com.