Why We Work

Last Friday, Mike and I celebrated 29 years of marriage. It felt like every other day.

I forgot to buy a card. He didn’t.

He always finds the perfect one—thoughtful, intentional. I grabbed mine on a grocery run. Not exactly a grand gesture. But maybe I made up for it with an almost-homemade key lime pie, a roasted beet salad from scratch, and a cozy steak dinner at home with a bottle of wine from Italy.

That’s kind of how our relationship works. Not perfect. But full of grace, small efforts, and laughter.

The truth is, that’s how most relationships work when they’re at their best—whether it’s a spouse, a sibling, a business partner, or your boss. Not every day is magical. Not every interaction is equal. But the ones that last are built on mutual respect, forgiveness, and the willingness to keep showing up.

Mike and I are very different. I fold towels like a precision puzzle; he folds them like a comedy routine. It’s been 29 years, and he still acts like he’s excited to help, knowing I’ll refold every single one. I secretly look forward to the weekly comedy routine (don’t tell Mike I said that).

Our routines, whether funny or serious, remind me that in any relationship, our differences can be a source of connection—not conflict.

Whether it’s your partner, your colleague, or your kid, the truth is:

• You're two different people.

• You have different ways of seeing the world.

• You might never agree on how to load the dishwasher or prep for a big meeting.

And that’s okay.

The key to making it work—any relationship—is simple: effort, empathy, and laughter.

Make the effort, even when it’s not convenient. Practice empathy, especially when you’re frustrated. Find the laughter, even in the tension.

I recently saw a post: The 11 Golden Rules of Marriage. Many points apply to almost any relationship. Here are a few that stood out:

• Don’t vent to outsiders – Fix it inside. 

• You’re not always right – act like it. 

• Silent treatments destroy trust faster than yelling. 

• Your tone can kill more than your words.

In my experience, most relationships—whether personal or professional—don’t break down all at once. Sometimes they end for valid and necessary reasons. But often, they falter when we stop investing in them. We stop listening with curiosity. We stop communicating clearly. We lose sight of the person’s strengths and focus instead on their shortcomings. Over time, the distance grows—not because we don’t care, but because we stopped showing it.

Good relationships require maintenance, humor, vulnerability, and a willingness to admit you’re wrong. A commitment to keep trying.

Whether you’re celebrating 29 days with a new team or 29 years with a life partner, here’s what I’ve come to believe:

• The best relationships aren’t effortless—they’re full of effort. 

• They’re not conflict-free—they’re handled with kindness. 

• They’re not based on being the same—they’re grounded in respect for what makes you different.

And sometimes? They’re built one towel—lovingly misfolded—at a time. I should also note that he folds everything else with perfection.