1,000 Views? Sorry, Not Sorry

We mow our own lawn, and honestly—I don’t mind. It’s cathartic. Sometimes I listen to podcasts or dance music, but most days, it’s just me and my thoughts.

Saturday was one of those hot, get-it-done-fast kind of days. At one point, I angled the mower slightly off track and—without thinking—said, “I’m sorry.”

Sorry for what?? Did I just apologize to the lawn for a crooked pass?

Once I got back on a straight line, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why did I feel the need to apologize? And how many other times do I do this without realizing it?

While pondering those thoughts, I considered shooting a quick video about my ridiculous apology. I also wondered: do men and women apologize at the same rate?

After finishing my outdoor chores and drinking a lot of water, I did a little research on apologies and shot my first raw video—no makeup, still sweaty, still hot.

I learned two things that day:

First, you don’t need perfect hair, makeup, or lighting for your audience to relate to you. My video earned over 1,000 impressions between Facebook and LinkedIn, and the comments included some great personal examples of unnecessary apologies. I follow other friends and leaders in my industry who are getting noticed and building their network for being raw and real.

Second, all the research I found—from Inc., Forbes, Live Science, and more—indicates that women apologize much more frequently than men. It comes down to what’s called a behavioral threshold. In other words, women are more likely to perceive something as apology-worthy, even when it’s not.

One of my friends did her own (very unscientific) study by bumping into people at the grocery store. She noticed that women apologized more often than men—even when she was the one doing the bumping!

What’s the solution? It might be as simple as adjusting our language.

Being fluent in German, I often come across words or phrases I wish we could adopt in English. The German language offers two distinct ways to express what we lump into one phrase: “I’m sorry.”

• “Entschuldigung” is commonly used when you need to say, “excuse me,” like when trying to squeeze past someone or after a minor bump. While the root word “schuld” translates to “guilt,” the full phrase is used broadly—even when there’s no actual guilt involved.

• “Es tut mir leid,” on the other hand, means “it makes me suffer.” It’s used when you’re truly sorry for something serious or when you're expressing sympathy.

In English, we can shift away from blame or guilt and instead focus on gratitude, clarity, or respect. Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” consider these alternatives:

• “Thank you for your patience.”

• “I appreciate the feedback.”

• “May I squeeze past you?”

• And when someone bumps into you, try humor: “Looks like we’re both in a hurry,” or even a simple “Oops!”

If you’re curious (or want a laugh), you can watch my raw video. Next stop, TikTok… maybe.

If you're interested in learning more about my coaching and training services or how I can help you turn your visions into business realities, email me at doris@dunnwise.com, reach out via DM or visit my website at www.dunnwise.com. And be sure to listen to the Leaderish Podcast for great insights on Leadership.